This has been the hardest three months ever since my career life starts. Sleeping hours has been declining from 8 to less than 6, and the only relaxing in life becomes the everyday bathing, which counts less than 20 minutes. I tried to keep everything going on well by changing my daily drink, and it went a far way round from thick tea to black coffee then thick tea again, then came the time when caffeine lost its magic power for me.

This is not easy, I will have to say. There was not at one time that I questioned myself where all the obscure values, if there was any, was lying underneath, and when the answer itself turned out to be obscure, the huge discouragement brought by just added to the former one, wiping out the last little bravery out of mind. Compared with the exhausted body everyday back home, the frustration on mind was far more depressing than staying more than 10 hours everyday in office.

Seemed like revenging somebody somehow, I drove a long way to my favorite hot spring at midnight, and threw myself into the water heavily. When the freezing wind from mountain behind gradually permeated through mind, something emerged there suddenly: Have I just spent too much time on admiring and envying, while at the same time neglected so many things that I own?

Yes, for all the time I have been admiring the ‘greener grass on the other side of the garden’, enduring all the disappointment, frustration and depression brought by, while simply not knowing, or, maybe pretending not knowing subconsciously, all the elegant roses and breath-taking gardening view on this side of the fence. Even a simplest thought can lead to the conclusion how silly this can be, but what’s ridiculous is that I have been in such a life for a long time of years.

Then I tried to comfort my uneasiness by explaining it as the natural greediness of human being, but a careful thought told me this has nothing to do with it. Thinking in the way of admiring and chasing attractively better things not in hand is by no means wrong, and that I believe is within the great power which would generate the endless energy that pushes one ahead. But before going into that admiring and chasing, an objective assessment of one’s current possession is indispensable. Even the greediest person in world would have a clear mind of what he owns and where all his action goes for before his action, and then action, and then the great time after a successful pursuit, while in my case, all in hand are just neglected, if not even disgusted.

So here comes out again the arguing-forever topic of which is more important, pursuing or owning. I have no interest to probe deep and add more chaos to the dull philosophical dispute, but no matter which one beats the other, what is valued underneath should be the enjoyment and happiness brought by whichever process. By this came out in mind, I felt released.

A smart person knows not only what he wants, but more important, what he has. It’s impossible that one can always stay in sunny green spring for all the time, and when winter falls, trying to prepare something is not a bad choice, and these are what I got when I was in spring water, and I call them ‘spring thoughts’.