游走不定之间

海拔升到1800米的时候，即使是2000CC的小麦也感到爬升的阻力了。其实大部分的车辆选择在进入最后一个高原，美ヶ原高原之前的扉峠离开ビーナスライン下山回家。向后继续走的车辆少之又少。

到达扉峠的时候已经过了下午4点半，太阳沉得厉害，树影已经将山路遮暗。如果在天色全黑的时候在沿这样的山路回家心里的确没底儿，但最终还是好奇心胜出，踏着西沉的落日进入最后也是最险的美ヶ原高原。

山里的天气变换的飞快，太阳稍一偏西，云气就浮上来，细疏的雨点打在前窗让人觉得心里琢磨不定。此刻沿山路向上爬的前后只有我一辆车，偶尔一两辆跑车迎面从山上呼啸而下，如雨滴般冷酷的可以。狭窄的山道上掉头是不可能的事情，只有咬牙一路开到底了。同时，我断定是迷路了：手里的拿的地图是观光用的，比例尺太大，完全看不出在哪。Navi上显示的道路和之前规划好的路线完全不符。而且一路上Navi上都布满着头次见到的标识：一个雪人上加一个红叉。刚开始我以为它的意思是冬季滑雪场小卖部，虽然数量过多而且原地其实什么也没有。后来在一个猛转后忽然意识到其实意思是死亡事故多发点。一阵寒。仰望了一下山顶的路牌：牛伏山，海拔1990米。颇有西游记里妖怪活动据点的味道。期间我承认想了好多事情，比如我的保险我的存折……

一路大仰角开上山顶，停车场跃然出现，还有人群，甚至还有一小间山顶的荞麦面店，松了一大口气。向店里的帅哥伙计打听归路。对方一听，立刻从一叠地图中抽出一张牛伏山的详图，一步步讲解应该怎样去松本IC，最后把地图给我。当下的感觉是：一定有不少人和我一样。

心里放下来后，决定还是先步行爬上牛伏山顶再下山。走过长长的石阶步道，高原牧场啪的一下子铺在眼前，夕阳骤然变的硕大无比，把整个高原染成金黄色。牧场的马群奶牛们缩小成一个个小点在悠闲的啃着牧草，远方的城市和山脉都成为缩微景观。清风抚耳——一股一览众山小的壮阔和豪迈。正在细细品味，隐约间不知何处传来教堂华丽的钟声，虽不见教堂的十字架，却觉得天国其实如此相近。

下山的路其实并没有想象中的容易，因为我在店里伙计的推荐之上发挥了一把，组合了一条回松本的近道，长野县道283。路幅只有1.5车道宽，全程都是15%-17%的坡度，一路见所未见的恐怖标识一个接一个，即使卡在最低档位也会在几秒内滑动加速到60公里左右，颇有极品飞车的味道。结果50分钟左右从牛伏山顶下到松本市内，落差1900多米，当然，一路只有我一辆车。到了山下后，耳朵由于气压变化的太快疼的要命，只得在贩卖机前停车，靠猛嚼口香糖和喝饮料缓和。回来之后才在网上看到，原来这一段在暴走族榜单之中名列前茅……。

 

奋斗了一晚上看完了非诚勿扰，尽管后面连着又补了两个小时的功课看画皮，但是关上播放器脑中断续的全是冯导娓娓道来的故事场面——当然，偶然会有画皮里王生的春梦跳出来邪魔——但那并不重要。重要的是我想我大概已经可以正式称为冯导的的一名粉丝了。

真正喜欢看冯小刚是从不见不散开始，全不是鸿篇巨制，回头要是仔细咂摸一下，也许还会觉得故事其实都荒谬的可以，但冯小刚的魅力就在于他知道应该用什么样的方式讲故事，这有时也许会比故事本身更重要——当然，他的故事本身都不差。而葛优的优点在于他很会演故事。精明有些偏坏的长相再加上一张京片子的贫嘴，就算再干燥的场面，最不济也能先靠这张讨巧的脸儿撑着，哪怕他必须和年龄差距巨大的舒淇对戏。非诚勿扰的故事性没有手机强，节奏也不快，几处转折之间都靠秦奋相亲不愠不火的衔接着，虽没什么大波澜，但就是愿意这么看着相亲的秦奋一场场的贫着，笃定梁笑笑定会在下一场打来手机。这大概就好像小时候家里的土豆炖豆角，盖着锅盖小火慢攻，香味顺着锅盖缝儿一点点儿的匀入空气，直到最后在整个屋里殷开。那种感觉和是和红烧肉的大快朵颐相左的路数，是娓娓道来的细絮缠绵，是辗转反侧丝丝入扣。

必须得承认，看完这戏我彻底改变了对舒淇的看法。过去觉得因为她是靠脱衣起家所以心里总是有种排斥，也不太看她的电影。可从梁笑笑斜倚在茶馆窗前那忧伤淡雅的一幕开始，我就完全被她吸引了——当然舒淇的美腿功不可没。是那种始终漂浮在眉梢眼睑的一抹愁云惨淡一直撩拨着心头的窥私欲，让人想知道那垂悬的一绺发髻下究竟发生了怎样的人生纠结。举手投足间毫无造作的哀雅让人觉得就是那么“可人儿疼”，却又难以忍心冲上去一问究竟。我相信，这样的演技绝不是装大尾巴狼的功力可以达到的。相比之下，杭州茶馆里一样可艳的徐若瑄仍带着几分夸张的勾勒着另一个花瓶的轮廓，高下差别一看尽知。显然，冯小刚也充分的意识到这一点，北海道梁笑笑决定献身的那一幕，舒淇侧仰着头倾吐心声，让棱角分明的颌骨正对镜头代梁笑笑道出人生的诀别——竟是以这种方式像秦奋道谢。当秦奋说“你就让我犯回傻吧”的时候，估计全天下的男人心里都会有“你跳下去好了，我上”的冲动~~~ 看到梁笑笑纵身而下的时候我“啊”的叫出声来，然后开始怨妇般的抱怨冯小刚为什么大过年的要让她跳下去。

这些年慢慢大了，有些奇怪的感触会逐渐滋发。比如男人和女人的角色真的是有差别的。梁笑笑在机场半含着眼泪讲出“你不可以这样欺负我”的时候眼里竟也轰的湿了一下；再比如邬桑驾车回家的路上唱着日本民歌然后开始动情流泪，看他开不下车停在路边的时候觉得这种感觉虽未曾经历却感同身受。

最后，随手记些自认为的精彩台词。

梁笑笑：你们坐的又是头等舱 你 你要我往哪儿躲啊

              不可以这样欺负我

秦奋：     钱对我来说不算事 就是缺朋友 最好的那几个都各奔东西了 有时候真想你们 心里觉得特别孤独。

梁笑笑： 你的眼神不像熊 像大灰狼

梁笑笑： 我早已经被撕碎了

秦奋：  心里健康历史清白的姑娘都跑到哪儿去了 我怎么一个都碰不上啊

梁笑笑：谁心里不健康啦 你就历史清白吗

秦奋：  我没说你你不算长的顺眼的 用顺眼这词儿就低估你了

            ……

           有的人是情人眼里才出西施  

           不过分的说 仇人眼里你都是西施

This has been the hardest three months ever since my career life starts. Sleeping hours has been declining from 8 to less than 6, and the only relaxing in life becomes the everyday bathing, which counts less than 20 minutes. I tried to keep everything going on well by changing my daily drink, and it went a far way round from thick tea to black coffee then thick tea again, then came the time when caffeine lost its magic power for me.

This is not easy, I will have to say. There was not at one time that I questioned myself where all the obscure values, if there was any, was lying underneath, and when the answer itself turned out to be obscure, the huge discouragement brought by just added to the former one, wiping out the last little bravery out of mind. Compared with the exhausted body everyday back home, the frustration on mind was far more depressing than staying more than 10 hours everyday in office.

Seemed like revenging somebody somehow, I drove a long way to my favorite hot spring at midnight, and threw myself into the water heavily. When the freezing wind from mountain behind gradually permeated through mind, something emerged there suddenly: Have I just spent too much time on admiring and envying, while at the same time neglected so many things that I own?

Yes, for all the time I have been admiring the ‘greener grass on the other side of the garden’, enduring all the disappointment, frustration and depression brought by, while simply not knowing, or, maybe pretending not knowing subconsciously, all the elegant roses and breath-taking gardening view on this side of the fence. Even a simplest thought can lead to the conclusion how silly this can be, but what’s ridiculous is that I have been in such a life for a long time of years.

Then I tried to comfort my uneasiness by explaining it as the natural greediness of human being, but a careful thought told me this has nothing to do with it. Thinking in the way of admiring and chasing attractively better things not in hand is by no means wrong, and that I believe is within the great power which would generate the endless energy that pushes one ahead. But before going into that admiring and chasing, an objective assessment of one’s current possession is indispensable. Even the greediest person in world would have a clear mind of what he owns and where all his action goes for before his action, and then action, and then the great time after a successful pursuit, while in my case, all in hand are just neglected, if not even disgusted.

So here comes out again the arguing-forever topic of which is more important, pursuing or owning. I have no interest to probe deep and add more chaos to the dull philosophical dispute, but no matter which one beats the other, what is valued underneath should be the enjoyment and happiness brought by whichever process. By this came out in mind, I felt released.

A smart person knows not only what he wants, but more important, what he has. It’s impossible that one can always stay in sunny green spring for all the time, and when winter falls, trying to prepare something is not a bad choice, and these are what I got when I was in spring water, and I call them ‘spring thoughts’.